The struggle

To survive

Is so real

When your mind is working against you


And all of the time.


How do you live

When you only think about dying?


You simply survive.


Every day of my life

The thoughts don’t stop

Especially lately


Becoming unstable, then…

Choosing my own demise…

I was weak.

However, I don’t recall being in the drivers seat

Of my mind

at that point in time…


I don’t need to be under the influence

to make bad decisions.

My brain does that just fine on its own.



“that’s just an excuse”

This chemical dysfunction,

Inside of my brain….


Is just an excuse.

Just for sympathy.


Diagnosis….. Diagnonsense…


This never ending madness

that I cannot escape.

And yet still denied electric shock therapy,

a few times.

I don’t even know

which thoughts are mine.


Have I ever?


My children keep me alive.

Both a blessing and a curse.

I need them more than they could ever need me.


The blade goes deep

Only in my mind

The only place








But on the outside


I simply survive.



30 years into debilitating and all consuming Mental illness…

would not wish it on my worst enemy




I should have come here hours ago.




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