If there is one major thing I would like to instill in my children and into others is that it so important to march to the beat of your own drum.
Guess what? You only have one life. You should not spend a single second living for the wants of other people, trying to make them happy, putting their happiness before your own. I can’t believe it took me 30 years to learn this. I am now officially living for myself and my kids.
And I know how it sounds, it kind of sounds selfish. Well when I went into recovery from drug addiction in 2010, the best thing I heard from the gate was “You need to be selfish in order to be selfless” and holy crap it is so true!
You cannot pour from an empty cup, right? You can try all day every day and eventually it is going to catch up with you and put you into a bad place. Plus, pouring from an empty cup is likely toxic and what you’re pouring out may not be good for anybody around you, regardless of your intentions.
This all stems from self-love. A lot of times when we lack self-love as women it is because of our daddy issues. Of those, I have many. But men also struggle with self-love. That may be why my dad dropped the ball so bad, as well as my mom, because of their own lack of self-love and love for “things” outside of themselves. When we look outside of ourselves to fill that void, whether it be with substances, alcohol, sex, spending money, the dictation of others, or just making reckless decisions, that is going to keep us unable to grow. That will keep us stuck and miserable.
I have only recently begun to like myself, let alone love myself. I have learned this through being treated like garbage from my husband (mainly) that I needed to love myself if he wasn’t going too. And I needed to love myself in order to better love my children.
I have spent so much of my life concerned with the thoughts of others. Dressing a certain way to fit in, eating disorders in hopes of being skinny because of other peoples’ words, hindering my own personality in order to satisfy others, dating certain guys that others would approve of, going to college because it is what my parents wanted, etc. I have let the thoughts and words of others basically dictate my life and now I am 30 years old and I am pissed that I spent so long being like that. But, it is never too late. I have an almost 7 year old little girl watching me and a 2 year old little watching me, I refuse to set an awful example for them. I refuse to hinder their wild personalities and free spirits.
These days I am working on self-love daily. I love my life. I love my smile. I love my curvy and thick body. I love that I am “too much” for some people. I love my intense personality. I love my flaws and character defects. I love my insanity, my sense of humor, and my personality. I love that I have decided to trust again, regardless of all of this. I love how much I am learning to love, even though it has taken a lifetime.
xo,
Kristina
Healing Haven 