The thing about love, well there are many things, but some of the things are tough things.
How do we learn to love others and love them well? Well that is the first tough part- we need to learn to love ourselves. Why is this so hard for so many of us? In my opinion (and experience with avoiding this subject) it is hard because it requires alone time and solitude, it requires us to focus on our own shortcomings, it requires us to face our past traumas head on, and above all, it requires us to be honest with ourselves. Being honest with ourselves is hard for so many reasons- whether they be narcissistic style denial reasons, or trauma fueled avoidance reasons– the shit is hard! But once we become honest with ourselves then we can heal our wounds. This act alone is an act of love and the self-love kind we are trying to talk about.
When we learn to be ok and good in our own company we are truly loving ourselves. This is tough because the world is full of so many distractions, literally in the palm of your hand. I know for myself and my favorite distraction, I get sucked into the social media worlds by way of political amusement, posting about my company, feeding my scrolling addiction combined with chronic sharing syndrome (meme queen, come on) which is fine for me, especially right now dealing with break ups and death, but I am sure annoying for some people so my advice there is -please don’t bitch to me, just unfollow me (: HOWEVER going back to my point– I have a hard time focusing on thyself because of distractions and with ADHD as it is, I take those distractions and run with them and they usually run me far enough to meeting another man who will take the focus off of me because that is just who I am…. well who I used to be- never again. These distractions plus the active avoidance of not wanting to face myself are a really good way to get nothing done.
I am striving for enlightenment, and my last relationship threw my focus off big time. And it is not all his fault, I am just that person that really puts everybody else ahead of myself which is fine when it comes to my kids but not for men I am dating. Getting back on track has been a slow process and I am just grateful for any progress I make. I cannot wait to begin yoga classes in two weeks and with my best friend!!!! This to me, is self love! Taking care of my mind and body is so important to me and I know this is going to be a great way to get to the next level.
That is where you begin, you start by doing something for you. All of the love in the world that you could receive from another person, you can give to yourself. You need to do what makes you happy, but also what fills you up. Going out drinking and partying may short-term feel good but honestly in the long run you are not doing yourself any favors. Do things that make you happy, go back to your interests and hobbies and never lose them, don’t let anybody take them from you. The essence of you lives in the things that you create. Like for me, it is writing (well any form of talking)… maybe for you, drawing? photography? dance? singing? I always forget how satisfying it is for me to write, talk, or make videos, because not only do I help others, my words are always helping me! Of course, I am the last person to take my own advice but coffee with a friend the other morning and universal signs and synergy have made me realize I do give bomb ass advice and that I NEED TO START TAKING IT.
Stop settling. We end up settling because we get to a point where people come into our paths and we fall and then we don’t find out until months later that they were a lesson above anything else, as we walk around trying to pick up the pieces. That lesson always redirects us to more self work, more self love! The sooner we take the opportunity after break ups to learn the lessons and heal our wounds, only then will we find what is truly meant for us and it won’t be such love? wtf? type situationships anymore.
I look forward to this day of finding my soulmate, the one made for me– but until then, I am doing me (:
~A woman who knows what she brings to the table is not afraid to eat alone~
Slay bitch, slay!
The kids want breakfast, have a great day! (: