How many of us keep ourselves in a perpetual place of self torture? Are you stuck in a relationship that is toxic because you can’t let go? Are you being taken advantage of by a family member but can’t set boundaries because of the emotions and ideas attached? Are you using drugs or alcohol to cope with issues in your life? Are you repeating toxic relationships while doing zero work on yourself? Are you stuck in self loathing and misery over problems in your life that seem like they cannot be harnessed or managed? Do you talk about making changes? Do you actually make them, or just talk about it? Well I just have to say is nothing changes, then nothing changes.
Often times, we find ourselves in situations that we somehow got ourselves into. Whether we fully knew what we were getting into or not it doesn’t change the fact that we are now responsible. Lets face it though, I’m sure many of us can look at situations that we have been in and realized that somewhere before that situation, we should have made a different choice. Just realizing that, THATS GROWTH. And then implementing those changed in future situations is LEVELING UP!
I was stuck in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship and marriage for several years because I thought I could change anything about it or him, I thought I could fix him and save us and the miserable-ness never ended the more I tried. I felt like I was living in hell. Until I woke up one day realizing I actually had ALL of the power and I made my move. You either know the details by now or you don’t, that’s neither here nor there, the point is, we all have power– even if it’s a little bit of power, to change parts or the whole of our current situations. Even just having the power to control and change your thinking is a HUGE amount of power!
Most people are not willing to put the work into working on themselves and being self aware because they are busy drinking, drugging, gambling, spending, working, or fucking to ignore their issues and they are not interested in growth and they stay in stagnation. AND/OR they deflect every single ounce of everything and anything therefore never truly learning their flaws or shortcomings and hence never truly fixing them. Or they are just downright addicted to being in a negative way because it is all they know. So then they take themselves wherever they go, wondering why the world is so awful and people are so mean to them etc. And I am totally speaking from experience because I was this person at one point in my life– stuck in the ‘woe is me’ self loathing and reckless type ways– and I deflected it all… but growth happens! Many people get very uncomfortable when the finger gets pointed at them because we have learned to become defensive instead of constructive and open minded. We don’t have to accept everything that a persons tells us but we should at least question it all and check in with ourselves to see if we have work that needs to be done.
These lessons that we live through are tough as hell and sometimes seem impossible. Maybe we cant find the silver linings or see any glimpse of hope, but we should still try. But if you don’t try to even try to control your mind about issues in your life and remain as objective as possible, they’ll own you and ruin every area of your life. This is why I also think it is important for everybody to have a therapist. Everybody needs to be able to constructively look at their lives, take away emotion in order to view it objectively, and take in the reality of it. Family is the biggest example of emotions ruling over objective reality. If a family member is making your life hell, and they are manipulative and abusive, and it causes you to lose other people in your life that you value and you stand by them in the name of “family”, I can promise you that is not healthy and is definitely an issue that needs A LOT of therapy intervention. However, when we keep the emotion involved and that idea of what society says family is…. we will lose people that do actually love and respect us; while staying in a place where we are abused, mistreated, not respected, and not loved. And it’s a sad day when you push aside people who really love you and care for you, for people who treat you like shit and don’t really care about you at all, all because they are “family”. This is only one example of many where emotions overrule objective reality. Its tough to take out the emotions when family is involved, no doubt, but it still is no excuse to make accommodations for those who disrespect us. Love is another place where emotions rule over objective reality and we might not always make the most logical decisions when love is involved. Like being in an abusive relationship and over staying your welcome or even going back a time or two after leaving. Stuff like that is hard no doubt, but not impossible. I walked away from my entire family once for 3.5 years because toxic abuse was happening, and then I walked away from a man that I loved because toxic abuse was happening and then I walked away from the man that I truly thought was my soul mate– because he could not find his own peace and control his own issues in his life, they controlled him. There is a never a situation worth staying in, if there is abuse and mistreatment and disrespect. Never.
Once we take a hard look at ourselves we will find things that we do not like but its up to us to either accept these things or change them. It’s important to take a step back and look at our lives objectively and see who is contributing to our lives and who isn’t, and how are we contributing to your lives? and where are we lacking? and how can we do better? I mean, we only have one life and if you want to throw it away on drama and recycling experiences, have at it. I am choosing to level up daily and learn and change and grow. I can own my mistakes and I try to make them right and I have zero regrets in my life these days because I know that I am being 100% true to myself and what I deserve. I refuse to ever settle and will do my best to make good decisions as to not end up in anymore insane situations. But if I should end up in another insane situation, I know I will maneuver my way through and make it out on the other end, alive and semi-unscathed.
Healing Haven 