I am slowly meeting men and getting to know them. I am focusing more on connection and building friendships first. I am absolutely not trying to rush into another mistake. I think so many people rush into relationships for the same reason that I used to as well, fear of being alone and having to take a hard look at myself and figure out my own issues. A lot of people avoid that second part like the plague, but it’s honestly the only part that will free and heal you. This is a blessing at the end of the day, even though it starts out seeming like a painful curse.
Bad relationships have broke me but also helped me to learn about people and more importantly, about myself. I used to break up with guys that were to nice and that led me down a path that almost killed me. Now, that’s all I want is a nice guy. Not that I need a relationship but I am totally laying out my standards to keep accountability and I am being super picky this time. I realized that I was being reckless with who had access to my energy and my love and it’s because I kept trying to love others instead of spending some time loving myself. I can honestly say now that I do love myself and I feel whole on my own. Of course, progress is always something to be made and I spend every single day leveling up and trying to be better than who I was yesterday, which is the only person that I am in competition with. Everybody needs that. Everybody needs to feel self love and security within themselves before looking outside of themselves. Hurt people, hurt people and this is true!
I know its hard to love and trust again, especially after somebody really breaks your heart. But it is possible to love again, at least for me being a libra I supposed that’s my blessing and my curse (there are many). I never stop loving, I shower others in love as though all of my past pains and traumas that should have broken me entirely, don’t exist. But growth has made me ok and way less desperate for love. I have become such a ‘I’m good with it’ kind of person these days. I’m good with it if it happens and I’m good with it if it doesn’t happen. Because whatever is mean tot be will always find a way, even if it takes years or a lifetime.
I am finally at a point where I am open to love finding me and I am not actively searching for it, and that feels good. I am actively searching for connection and friendship because it only makes sense that from connection and friendship can a truly harmonious relationship emerge and exist.
Being an empath and a highly intuitive woman can be lonely. There are not many people that I can entertain because of how ascended I feel. I feel like men come to me with surface and superficial desires. They want my body and they want sex but they don’t want my soul or to nurture it to have depth. They want to pluck me instead of watering me and allowing me to bloom and flourish. I have stopped entertaining this way because this is finally not something that I will oblige to. It’s not what I am looking for. When you raise your vibration, sex doesn’t do anything for ya unless there is an established connection.
I finally said it out loud last night that my next relationship will be my last… and he said “well what if that doesn’t work out?” and good point, but I guess the point that I was making is that, I am staying so picky this time that I will know for sure the next time I enter into a relationship, that it is truly in sync with me and what is meant for me. If I have any doubts, then I won’t do it. I am learning to listen to my gut and my intuition and that is soooo important for everybody. **You need to learn the difference between your anxieties misleading you and your intuition guiding you, that’s like RULE NUMBER ONE, and it sooooo important.** I will constantly check in with myself about the legitimacy of the connection and be fully aware of my own shortcomings that sometimes come to the surface to cause obstruction. We always need to keep ourselves in check so that we don’t go astray and so that also we don’t project any of our unmanaged shit onto anybody else.
Healing and growth is a bitch, but she’s a beautiful, empowering, courageous ass bitch! She is worth every single thing. Choose to be a healed and whole person over anything else. Your past self will thank you, as well as your ancestors, as well as your children, your friends, and current and future partners.
Those who are afraid of the heights that you bring to the table will fall back, allow them to do so. Don’t ever force anything, and that’s RULE NUMBER 2.
Just needed to do a little word flow today<3
Healing Haven 