How do you know when you’re wasting your time and energy with someone?
Whether it be a friendship or a relationship.
I feel like I should know the answer, I always tell you guys that I know something about a lot of the answers, and sometimes I probably do know the answer BUT putting it into practice is where I am failing. I admit it. fuck.
Reciprocation or lack thereof is likely the first place to channel into. Is this person on the same page as you? Are they contacting you first? Are they acknowledging your existence? OR are you doing all or most of the contacting? Doing all of most of the work? Sure everybody is busy, but even people who are busy can still take a second to make a person feel acknowledged, if they care to do so. Are you even on the same page? right? If somebody likes you you’ll know and if they don’t, you’ll be confused. God I hate living with confusion. I also am having a hard time verbalizing this outside of myself to those who need to hear it. Maybe its because I don’t want to know the truth. Don’t fool yourself, if the feelings are mutual the effort will be equal.
Communication is important, especially for developing relationships. Is it surface and based on sex? or does it have breadth and depth? Is there a connection at all? People confuse their desires for what is actually good for them and that leads to turmoil whether it be inner or outer; it is going to lead to pain.
(fucking listen, take the advice…. me to me)
Question yourself and I can’t stress this enough. You have to check-in with yourself as well and I have to do this ALL OF THE TIME. My past traumas and issues come out in various ways and I am trying to destroy those patterns every single day. It is tough for many reasons but every single day I try hard and that is what matters. You have to ask yourself if you are into this person for the right reasons? You have to realize if it is due to a surface attraction or soul connection…. and then you have to walk way from your ideas and expectations of it, especially if it doesn’t align with you. I wish I could take my own advice LOL well this helps me to work toward doing so, this helps to keep me accountable to myself.
Its important to ask yourself if this current situation is a reflection of your past self, or is it in alignment with your higher self?
We should not be forcing conversations, friendships, relationships, situationships, nothing. And I have a tough time just trusting the process, I am not incredibly patient when I don’t know the outcome, because I am terrified. That’s another fun bonus of having anxiety and C-PTSD.
You have to be committed to your self love because if you aren’t you’ll lose every time and it’ll be harder to pick yourself back up every single time. You are worth putting first. The more you put yourself first, the more you will finally begin to receive from the universe what is meant to be yours. If you don’t commit to growth, you’ll end up in recycled relationships full of old patterns. You’ll be the fool every single time. You have to get tired of your bullshit and KNOW that you deserve the best! Some people never get to this point.
You need to decide to not be committed to your bullshit more than your growth. We need to ask ourselves as I need to ask myself, why can’t I just give to myself all of the love that I keep trying to give to others? And that doesn’t come with a fun answer. Truth is, you have to drop the things that aren’t good for you and focus on the things that fill up your own cup. I enjoy walking away from things that aren’t meant for me but that doesn’t mean that sometimes I don’t walk away while also kicking and screaming. But at least I walk away. So many things in life are a let down when your focus is outside of yourself. And it causes anxiety and stress that just isn’t worth it and can so be avoided. So I am working on that, today and always. Shifting my focus back to myself because that is what I can control.
Healing Haven 