Ever since starting the Humira injection a few months ago for my autoimmune diseases, it has given me back parts of my life that I never knew existed. I have more energy and less pain and this has led me to begin working out, and prior to this experience I would loathe and avoid working out. I simply would not. Sure I was a cheerleader in high school and played rugby in college but to work out on my own volition, not thanks.
Part of why I hated working out was definitely the pain and lack of energy but also because I had a bad relationship with food and with myself. I had various periods with disordered eating, mainly binging and purging. I always had this connection in my mind that I needed to lose weight in order to be liked and accepted by others, and only then I would officially be worthy, and only then would I actually like myself. Many people called me fat growing up, so no wonder why this was my thinking at the time and for a long time. Therefore, my connection with working out was that I had to work out or diet to lose weight …. in order to be liked…. by people who we were clearly assholes to me. I wasn’t living for myself or making decisions for myself, I was living for others and what they thought about me. They hated me, so it caused me to hate myself.
I finally came to this current body accepting revelation because I began to love myself and take care of myself, like literally just a few years ago. Before the Humira came into my life, I was already clean, sober, avoiding gluten, and making necessary changes that aligned with my higher self like leaving people and places that didn’t align with me. I began to love myself so much that I also began to accept my body for the thick way that it is genetically supposed to be instead of being overly preoccupied with not fitting into societies ideas of beauty.
So instead of focusing on the scale, I shifted my focus to ‘I want to work out in order to feel better mentally and also to strengthen my body so that my autoimmune diseases are more bearable and less disabling.’
I also don’t over stress about eating or exercising. I don’t exercise every single day and I don’t follow any strict dieting rules. I have been gluten free for almost 5 years because that has drastically decreased the inflammation level in my body. I try to limit red meat and eat more chicken, turkey, and fish, while cheese is my weakness. I don’t drink pop and stopped back in high school so I suppose that’s another thing that helps. But I also don’t drink enough water and this is something I work on daily because I know it is important, but progress over perfection is my motto! I still enjoy chocolate and ice cream and likely on more occasions than I should. The point is this– people think they need an in-depth plan in order to have results and be happy with themselves but the truth is you don’t. Some think they need an in-depth plan before they even begin, and trust me, you don’t! Baby steps and consistency plus patience, will get your where you need to be!
I try to be mindful about what I am eating and when I am eating but I don’t stress about it because I know I am making better decisions in general, compared to how I used to eat. I rotate my exercises between running, biking, yoga, and stationary work outs with weights. My made up a 30ish minute routine that occurs up to 3 times a week, comes with a few exercises with weights for every section of the body so that I know I am hitting every area. On days where I feel like doing nothing, I simply don’t and on days where my body or my brain is telling me that I do need to do something, then I do. I listen to my body and let my body and mind guide the way.
This journey that started in my life a few years ago has been one of the most challenging and most rewarding experiences in my life. I have opened myself up to a new way of living that is by my own terms and it may have some painful moments but I know it is all leading me to where I am supposed to be in life.
This is my life and I will do with it what I please, as should we all! I mean, stay away from drugs and wild behavior after a certain age but yes, we only get one life, make it count!
I am very proud about the slow but awesome progress I have been making with my body and I love to show off my body but also kept my mom pouch hidden. This morning on my instagram (danteskyyco–follow me!) I posted pictures of my stomach, mom pouch and all, and it inspired this blog post! I haven’t written a ‘body positivity’ one in a while, so this was perfect!
Healing Haven 