The spider weaves his web so beautifully spun. I often wonder if I could be a spider and spin a web so perfect. The spider uses his new spun home to catch his prey. He delicately but skillfully wraps up his dinner to save for later. A bug. A mere defenseless bug. I wonder if you screamed like I screamed, being all wrapped up. Can you not breathe like I couldn’t breathe, being so wrapped up tight. Lying in web, waiting for my demise. A friend joins me, also stuck in the predatory grasp of the beautifully spun web. Here he comes, the spider. Just to do what he does, as I watch him wrap another helpless victim. We wait.
and wait.
and wait.
Here comes the spider, hungry as can be, and ready to feast. He tears into my tightly wrapped web of a cocoon. I close my eyes as I do not want to see what happens next. I feel it all though. Pulling my life from my soul. Entrenched in darkness now and forever a memory. I wonder what happened and where I went. I never opened my eyes so I refuse to look.
I ended up here. Full of the memories of the dark scary spider. How he pulled my life from me and tangled it up and distorted it just to give it back in disarray. Now I live like this. Casting shadows upon everybody that I meet because I am afraid that they will be like the spider. Waiting to wrap me up tight and pull my life from my soul and allow me to continue living. I wish you would have killed me somedays. The pain I live with every single day is cruel and this was your plan all along. To kill me while letting me live.
I closed my eyes because I refused to look. I am still here somehow. Should I open my eyes and look? I don’t want to. What if I don’t like what I see? What if something else tries to catch me, hurt me, or eat me? Why can’t somebody look for me, maybe first to make sure the coast is clear? Unfortunately, I have to look myself.
As I slowly open my eyes, I realize I am still alive. And I am still stuck in a web. The spider has gone and I am all alone, stuck in this web forever by myself. He left me for dead, I don’t understand why he didn’t just kill me. But, I learned that the spider wants me to remember the pain and the fear as this is how he kills me over and over again every single day.
So I sit in this web, alone, waiting for someone to save me. Queen of this web, maybe I should become the predator. But, that just isn’t me. So I will sit here, all tucked in, waiting for my savior.
Healing Haven 