The gunMy catThe gunMy headOver 3 years later The gunMy catThe gunMy head I see my precious boyCuddle him closelyWhile he purrs The gunMy cat You grabbed himAnd put it to his headYou’re sickThat was the end Over 3 years laterThe memories still flood me The gunMy headThe basementThe wallSleeping childrenSilent witnessesScreaming womanLaughing man Aluminum baseball batTapping on my headIn hopes to crush my skullAnd leave me dead The gunMy catThe gunMy brains Could have been all overThat basement floorWhat the fuck exactlyWas that TerrifiedThe most terrifying night of my lifeAs I truly believed that I would die I wonder … Continue reading Flashback
The walls are made of glassThis life we live is fake Structural mistakeBrought to you by painand misfortune along the way I can’t see pastThe view is blackWhere do we go from here The world is darkEnamored and stark We can’t stay here If you live in a boxAnd the world comes to free youDon’t you dare hesitateYou need something to save you All the pain in the worldCouldn’t help us throughWe were living in one big lie Structural mistakeThey wanna make you breakThey own all of what’s at stake If you live in a boxAlone at all costsYou’ll be … Continue reading Within A Box
I want to hate you so bad, but I can’t (ok we aren’t totally throwing it back that far but still) I honestly am so sad and let down and I realize it is because of the exhaustion that has … Continue reading Nobody- that’s who you are to me now.
I hate being on break currently- I am so bored I could die. My side job has been slow the last 2 weeks which I should be grateful for however, I am so bored! And maybe it would not be … Continue reading Avoidance and some fucking poetry
We ended up being able to spend a long weekend in my hometown and it was nice and really so very necessary. But then here we are. Back at this place. This house. The house we may lose before I even get to sell, which would mean we walk with nothing after this total shit show. I am feeling hopeless today. I move forward 2 steps and then get pushed back 10 steps instantly. I am grateful but like, not prepared to live in my car with 2 kids and 3 cats. Obviously I would never let that happen. I … Continue reading I need to be here way more often…
Being alone has been something else. It has been so new and scary and exciting and peaceful. I certainly miss the 10 minutes of “me time” that I used to get every now and then and that no longer really exists for me until bed time every day. I am learning to become o.k. with this. Life has been moving so fast, probably mainly because the days have been moving fast. Now that my son is in his room every night at a decent time he is up in the morning early and whoa do I miss quiet solo mornings. … Continue reading I guess I just need a moment…
The human experience– There’s levels to this shit. Happy. Sad. Amazing. Awful. Struggle. Ups. Downs. We have to experience the bad in order to appreciate the good and recognize the new. But it sucks when it’s bad, right? Especially when … Continue reading The Human Experience– Unfortunately.