Depression creeps inLike an abandoned ship in the nightOver still watersThe forgotten one I feel aloneLike the shipGliding over glass like waterPossibly hauntedWhose to say? Here we areStillFreeAloneNot feeling powerfulAs we drift A crow lands upon the bow of the shipAloneBlacker than the nights skyThe sound it makes is wretchedFull of doom Where are we going?Nobody knowsAs we drift Will we end up safe?Will we end up alive?It’s a secret and a mysteryAll at once We float alongHelpless at the mercy of the waterThere is nothingWe are no whereWe just float along We come to an islandWe are the only … Continue reading Ghost Ship
The spider weaves his web so beautifully spun. I often wonder if I could be a spider and spin a web so perfect. The spider uses his new spun home to catch his prey. He delicately but skillfully wraps up his dinner to save for later. A bug. A mere defenseless bug. I wonder if you screamed like I screamed, being all wrapped up. Can you not breathe like I couldn’t breathe, being so wrapped up tight. Lying in web, waiting for my demise. A friend joins me, also stuck in the predatory grasp of the beautifully spun web. Here … Continue reading The Spider
The gunMy catThe gunMy headOver 3 years later The gunMy catThe gunMy head I see my precious boyCuddle him closelyWhile he purrs The gunMy cat You grabbed himAnd put it to his headYou’re sickThat was the end Over 3 years laterThe memories still flood me The gunMy headThe basementThe wallSleeping childrenSilent witnessesScreaming womanLaughing man Aluminum baseball batTapping on my headIn hopes to crush my skullAnd leave me dead The gunMy catThe gunMy brains Could have been all overThat basement floorWhat the fuck exactlyWas that TerrifiedThe most terrifying night of my lifeAs I truly believed that I would die I wonder … Continue reading Flashback
The walls are made of glassThis life we live is fake Structural mistakeBrought to you by painand misfortune along the way I can’t see pastThe view is blackWhere do we go from here The world is darkEnamored and stark We can’t stay here If you live in a boxAnd the world comes to free youDon’t you dare hesitateYou need something to save you All the pain in the worldCouldn’t help us throughWe were living in one big lie Structural mistakeThey wanna make you breakThey own all of what’s at stake If you live in a boxAlone at all costsYou’ll be … Continue reading Within A Box
Why is it so hard to quit something that is so bad for you? I have spent the weekend weening with smoking cigarettes and will officially try to smoke zero cigarettes tomorrow. I don’t understand how something so deadly and so addictive is legal. I have quit so many things; hard drugs, gluten, most meats, but when it comes to cigarettes, I feel so helpless and powerless. Addiction is such a bitch! I know that I am my own worst enemy and need to get out of my own way. I guess I am writing this as a way to … Continue reading The Struggle is Real
She waited for changeShe stayedShe thought it would get betterBut she was wrong Through turmoil and painThunder and rainShe cried for daysJust wanting to run away She waited for changeShe stayedShe thought it would get betterBut she was wrong There was love at the beginningOr so she believedBut she was wrongShe was fighting a war she would not winAt least not in the way that she thought She held onShe screamedShe fought for her lifeShe prayedShe beggedHelp She waited for changeShe stayedShe thought it would get betterBut she was wrong FinallyA choice that was made through herBut not by herSomething … Continue reading Like A Warrior
Its time to let it all go and liveWe must healWe must forgive othersBut more importantlyWe must forgive ourselves Forgive ourselves for the times when we were weakFor the times when we were cruelFor the times when we didn’t know any betterFor the times that were accidentsFor the times that were out of our control Forgiveness is the key to livingAnd many can’t do thisAnd why is that?Self-love is in lack Maybe we believe we don’t deserve loveEspecially if we think that we do not deserve forgivenessBut forgiveness is up to usWe are in charge and we have to know … Continue reading Let Go
Ever since starting the Humira injection a few months ago for my autoimmune diseases, it has given me back parts of my life that I never knew existed. I have more energy and less pain and this has led me … Continue reading Self Love And Body Positivity.
Today was one for lessons and experiences, I will say that. I also will say that if I wasn’t strong in my sobriety, today could have been enough to break me and take everything from me that I have worked … Continue reading Today I Cleaned A Crack House…
How do you know when you’re wasting your time and energy with someone? Whether it be a friendship or a relationship. I feel like I should know the answer, I always tell you guys that I know something about a … Continue reading Shifting Focus Back To Self, Always. Necessary And Crucial!
This must be what it feels like when your soul is tired. I thought I had been there already but now I know that I am really there. It happened because there was a spark and a connection and reciprocation … Continue reading cathartic verbiage.
I am slowly meeting men and getting to know them. I am focusing more on connection and building friendships first. I am absolutely not trying to rush into another mistake. I think so many people rush into relationships for the … Continue reading Don’t Ever Settle, There’s No Reason To.