Tag: hell

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The end & The beginning.

HealingHaven

  You have been gone a week, well in like 8 hours technically But still. You are gone. Because of me! I finally found the strength that you thought I never had. The strength that you thought you had stolen from me for years. And maybe you did, but guess what, I found it! My babies and I are free. Free.   I lost myself because of you. I lost myself a few times. I did not recognize the girl in the mirror. You scared me. I scared myself. We could not go on like that forever.   I will … Continue reading The end & The beginning.

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Holiday

HealingHaven

Holiday’s are just another day anymore Days that happen to drive me insane in the days leading up to a holiday things change for me and its only when I begin snapping at my husband that we sit down and talk he says “I cant believe this is still so hard for you, but I get it. and then we realize “oh, Easter is coming” Which this year also lands on my Grandpa’s birthday AND April Fool’s Day too bad none of this is a joke.   Have fun today spending time with each other and if i come up … Continue reading Holiday

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Validation

HealingHaven

It is almost Easter. It is almost the 3rd Easter since I saw my family last. It has been 3 years. It feels like it all happened YESTERDAY. According to society, I have committed a taboo, by cutting off the contact with my parents, by cutting off toxic hell.   I woke up this morning feeling some kind of way, because it is almost the 3rd Easter without them. It means nothing, it is just another day, I know this. But my anxiety insists, that I keep in mind, That I am the blackest sheep of all the sheep. This … Continue reading Validation

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The hell that is my mind

HealingHaven

Anxiety is the owner here. we are fine. There is no cure when it comes to crippling anxiety due to things like trauma and bi polar disorder. There is only work, daily. How the hell have I even made it this far? work, daily. I hate to be out in the real world because too much public contact freaks me out and yet, I still have a mind on over drive, while I am home, not near crowds, just me and my mind, going insane….. work, daily. How do I stay alive everyday? These flashbacks and toxic thoughts are enough … Continue reading The hell that is my mind