The gunMy catThe gunMy headOver 3 years later The gunMy catThe gunMy head I see my precious boyCuddle him closelyWhile he purrs The gunMy cat You grabbed himAnd put it to his headYou’re sickThat was the end Over 3 years laterThe memories still flood me The gunMy headThe basementThe wallSleeping childrenSilent witnessesScreaming womanLaughing man Aluminum baseball batTapping on my headIn hopes to crush my skullAnd leave me dead The gunMy catThe gunMy brains Could have been all overThat basement floorWhat the fuck exactlyWas that TerrifiedThe most terrifying night of my lifeAs I truly believed that I would die I wonder … Continue reading Flashback
I don’t know where to start but I do know that I avoid writing because I do not want to confront these real situations and feelings in my life. If you follow me on social media, you’ll see that I … Continue reading A shit show. Blo[g][po]etry.
Don’t ever let somebody, especially in a relationship, make you feel like your feelings aren’t valid. There is nothing worse than being in a relationship and feeling alienated from it. Sure, anybody can be overreactive at times and turn small … Continue reading Being Alone Is Better Than Not Being Heard.
Sadness fills my eyes and runs down my cheeks and pools beneath me in a bottomless void loneliness wraps its arms around me cold and empty my old friend broken pieces is what I feel like I have become mangled … Continue reading mood translated to words (I’m good)
I want to hate you so bad, but I can’t (ok we aren’t totally throwing it back that far but still) I honestly am so sad and let down and I realize it is because of the exhaustion that has … Continue reading Nobody- that’s who you are to me now.
We ended up being able to spend a long weekend in my hometown and it was nice and really so very necessary. But then here we are. Back at this place. This house. The house we may lose before I even get to sell, which would mean we walk with nothing after this total shit show. I am feeling hopeless today. I move forward 2 steps and then get pushed back 10 steps instantly. I am grateful but like, not prepared to live in my car with 2 kids and 3 cats. Obviously I would never let that happen. I … Continue reading I need to be here way more often…
Today was scary as hell and empowering. We went to court for our PFA. My attorney went into the courtroom and I did not have too. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to be walked out past me. In neon yellow and shackles. His eyes burned through my soul. He stopped for a moment, we both locked eyes, I looked away. Shook to the core. Tears to follow. I survived. He is only worried about selling the home where my kids and I are living, He must need commissary for some Ramen! How selfish. Want to sell the … Continue reading You don’t do it for me anymore.
But, how do you begin to overcome this. Long story short, self love. Luckily I am a veteran at surviving things like physical, psychological, and emotional abuse, but not all of us are so lucky. Here I am 9 days after you were removed from this house. In 2 hours exactly. 9 days free. Like a bird and I have only hardly begun to find my wings. I never knew I had this strength. I loved him. This total narcissist, con-artist, abusive, selfish, asshole, drug addict. But he saved me. But I found out too late about him. This … Continue reading We will overcome this.