What do you do When you feel like you don’t belong Like a lost dog. And feel so trapped at the same time. Like trying to climb out from a hole that has no bottom, that you can’t seem to get out of. Clawing at the dirt… All while it keeps caving in on you…. Suffocating. This life is forcing me to use strength That I never knew I had There is no “call home” Whenever things get bad. There is no savior. Just me. Fighting this battle. Alone. After what I thought I knew Turned out … Continue reading in short. don’t give up. you can’t.
The struggle To survive Is so real When your mind is working against you daily. And all of the time. How do you live When you only think about dying? You simply survive. Every day of my life The thoughts don’t stop Especially lately Becoming unstable, then… Choosing my own demise… I was weak. However, I don’t recall being in the drivers seat Of my mind at that point in time… I don’t need to be under the influence to make bad decisions. My brain does that just fine on its own. But… “that’s … Continue reading Therapy.
Holiday’s are just another day anymore Days that happen to drive me insane in the days leading up to a holiday things change for me and its only when I begin snapping at my husband that we sit down and talk he says “I cant believe this is still so hard for you, but I get it. and then we realize “oh, Easter is coming” Which this year also lands on my Grandpa’s birthday AND April Fool’s Day too bad none of this is a joke. Have fun today spending time with each other and if i come up … Continue reading Holiday
It is almost Easter. It is almost the 3rd Easter since I saw my family last. It has been 3 years. It feels like it all happened YESTERDAY. According to society, I have committed a taboo, by cutting off the contact with my parents, by cutting off toxic hell. I woke up this morning feeling some kind of way, because it is almost the 3rd Easter without them. It means nothing, it is just another day, I know this. But my anxiety insists, that I keep in mind, That I am the blackest sheep of all the sheep. This … Continue reading Validation
Anxiety is the owner here. we are fine. There is no cure when it comes to crippling anxiety due to things like trauma and bi polar disorder. There is only work, daily. How the hell have I even made it this far? work, daily. I hate to be out in the real world because too much public contact freaks me out and yet, I still have a mind on over drive, while I am home, not near crowds, just me and my mind, going insane….. work, daily. How do I stay alive everyday? These flashbacks and toxic thoughts are enough … Continue reading The hell that is my mind
From now on, I come here to heal. Flashbacks… always… daily….. there is nothing that I can do, except this… I spend a lot of my days helplessly living in the past… triggers are always so simple and unavoidable, there is never any warning. I cant stop thinking about “solid oak coffee table” since last night then to wake and see one posted for sale on a yard sale site thanks facebook. But, specifically, it was the coffee table he made by hand for our living room… side note: crafted in the same place he would cut out a wooden … Continue reading Solid Oak Coffee Table